Friday, March 15, 2019

being broken: 3 ways I’m finding hope in the middle of it

My skull, my teeth, my lip, my heart--things get broke. 

And now my Swatch watch that cost a good chunk of money from a big mall in Hong Kong. A crack on the bottom of the glass screen, right across the 6. 

The doctors said it was good the way my skull cracked in so many places, it made space for my bleeding brain to swell into. Without the breaks, there wouldn’t have been anywhere for my swelling brain to go.

Maybe the broken places are always supposed to make room for growing?

Our relationships, our dreams, our bones—-we know what broken feels like. All of us.

Naked newborn baby, God, laying in a feeding trough, flies buzzing, smell of manure filling His tiny holy nostrils, crying, “Go ahead and break me, broken world. I’ve come to be broken.”

And we did. 

God walking around with skin on, entered our broken and let us break Him. 

He chose broken. 

Moments before all His best friends betrayed Him, all their sins cut deep into His skin as He bled out onto the earth He made, He took some bread—-and He broke it. 

He said looking at those breaks in the bread, wholeness ripped apart, would remind us of Him. 

He gave them those broken pieces and told them to remember His broken body. They ate it then betrayed Him and He got nailed to wooden beams. 

Broken to death, He made the way for my broken heart to connect to His, latched on, together and brilliant. 

His brokenness is my salvation.

And here we are, with our busted up lives, needing to remember that broken Savior--and needing Him to hold all our pieces. 

You may be broken because of choices you’ve made, or because of choices someone else made that you wish they hadn’t. Either way, I’m sorry. Life is hard and it hurts and we end up in pieces. But there’s hope-filled life in our broken places when we let Jesus have His way. 

I’m a fixer. I just love fixing. Things or people, just let me fix fix fix. I'll take those broken pieces and glue and tape and weld them...I'll take those broken hearts and lecture and pep talk and Scripture them. But fixing isn’t always what’s possible. Or best. 

A seed in the ground, happy and whole, starts tearing apart, broken split right open, roots cutting through into the soil. It’s the only way that little thing can turn into a tree. The life grows from the broken ripped open seed--hidden in the ground. 

A mom’s water breaks, pain comes, and out a baby pushes into the world. 

Broken is the way of new life. Broken is our start. 

Broken is painful, ugly, messy, and I can hardly stand it. Fixing is more fun, more comfortable, more results-like. But the broken seed doesn’t need to be fixed. Staying broke open is the only way it turns into a tree. And me? Guess it’s about the same. Broke open is the way God makes room for life and through the hurting confusion mess, I trust Him.

Every thriving corn field, every green forest, every life-filled flower garden — they’re all living because a bunch of seeds fell to the ground and broke. 

Inside of Him is the willingness to stoop down, scoop me up, and meet the deepest broken inside of me. 

He picks up all my broken pieces--not blaming me or mad at me or questioning me--and holds all of them close. Here, in His big Arms, loved, I remember—-this is why I’m alive. 

God’s not looking for perfect performers. He’s lookin for honest and broken open and latched onto Him in desperation. I qualify. 

Three things I'm finding helpful to keep doing with my broken: 

1. I keep reading the Psalms.
David was broken. And he handled his brokenness well, in continual dialogue with God. I’m learning. 

2. I keep talking to friends. 
Being honest and showing them my broken heart is part of God’s healing process. 

3. I keep leaning. 
Jesus is jealous. Like, He wants all I am, all the time. Leaning into Him and listening to His love, it’s the most satisfaction my broken heart has ever found. 

He loves us. 

“It has always seemed to me that broken things, just like broken people, get used more; it’s probably because God has more pieces to work with.”
- Bob Goff

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 
-John 12:24 

He was despised and rejected by mankind, 
a Man of suffering and familiar with pain. 
Surely He bore our suffering, 
yet we considered Him punished by God, 
stricken by Him, and afflicted. 
But He was pierced for our transgressions, 
He was crushed for our iniquities; 
the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, 
and by His wounds we are healed. 
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, 
each of us has turned to our own way; 
and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. 
-Isaiah 53:3-6