Wednesday, September 21, 2016

when it's way harder than you thought it'd be

I live in Hong Kong now. 
Like, I'm not on a trip. I moved. There is no return-to-America date stationed in the back of my mind because Jesus asked me to hand that return-to-America date to Him. 

I live in Hong Kong now. 

Three weeks ago, I hugged the world's most beautiful family goodbye, traveled 8,000 miles with two crammed-full check bags, and landed in China. 

I didn't expect it to be that hard but shoot, I was wrong. I've spent three weeks crying and wondering what in the heck I'm doing in Asia and missing my family and feeling like a baby and discovering my faith is even smaller that I thought and realizing that I'm oh-so-weak and asking Jesus for huge help. 

You know what Lord Jesus has spent three weeks doing? Holding me close, smiling at me, and saying things like, 
"I love when you lean on Me."

He's stable. 
He's strong.
He's invested in me. 

I've got nothing to offer Him besides my "yes." He invited me to move here with Him and I said "yes." I'm not qualified, I don't know how to help ladies leave prostitution, I don't know how to love my co-workers, I don't know how to make someone want Jesus, I don't know how to be emotionally stable, and I miss my family. But here's what I know; I need Jesus. I really really really need Him. He asked me to move here so my only job is to trust Him. 

It seems like He loves when we're aware of our weakness, because it makes us want Him. Nothing delights His intimate heart like being wanted. To be leaned on, to be asked for help, to be embraced, to be wanted; He craves it. So He puts us in positions to get what He's craving. Sometimes, I'd even say most times, those positions are  uncomfortable, kinda scary, and make us want to squirm back to the comfortable place. But if we will choose to stay in the uncomfortable place, we give Him the opportunity to show us how wonderful He is. In the make-you-wanna-squirm place, our faith in Him grows as we see that He really is the only thing we need and His way really is the best. 
He wants to be our family. He wants to be our home. 

Jesus knows what it's like to be weak, hungry, poor, to suffer, and to be completely dependent on Father God. He chose to live His life like this. He showed us the way. 

I'm sure there are some people I'll help to know Him in Hong Kong, I'm sure I'll encourage some Christians, maybe give some nice gifts away; but way bigger and way before any of that is this;
making a home in Jesus' arms and giving Him all my love. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

‭‭-2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬

That's about the best news I've ever heard. 

I'm glad to be in this uncomfortable, homesick, hard-to-understand place. Now He gets to show me how strong He is. 
I'm currently sitting on an airplane from London to Amsterdam. My teammates/friends and I are getting trained in Europe. With the words "getting trained" I mean feeling God's heart, growing together as a team (family), learning from other ministries which are doing an awesome job, and eating great food. Please ask God to help us know Him better than ever and to do everything He wants to with us. 

Thanks guys. I love you. 

And if you're feeling weak and confused and uncomfortable and unqualified, it's ok. 
The good good good God wants you to ask Him for help. 

"We love the concept of faith and pleasing God with faith; we just don't like being put into positions where faith is required. Faith is proven at the point of our weakness and emptiness, the point where all is lost if God doesn't show up. That's a place we avoid and don't naturally love to be..."
- Banning Liebscher, Rooted